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Is ‘open’ code for broken?

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Is ‘open’ code for broken?

Dear Jackson,

I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, and I’ve never been the other woman: I’ve always had honest, long-term relationships. But lately I’ve found myself in a horrible position. I’ve been involved with a man, for several months, who is in a very serious long-distance relationship with another woman. He’s charismatic, very successful in his field and completely intoxicating. He tells me that he has an open relationship, so whatever he does in Cambodia is fine. Lately, I’m not sure I believe him, judging by the comments she leaves on his Facebook — she says they’re getting married. I should have ended it long ago, but he says it’s fine, and I’m really falling for him.

Well, he’s probably lying. But you knew that, didn’t you? He might be in an open relationship, but his long distance lover certainly isn’t. I doubt she knows about you. I bet he whispers sweet marriage nothings to her on Skype. So, ask him point blank about all this marriage talk. Maybe he’ll skirt around the issue? Perhaps he’ll try to shrug it off? If he does, post something that shows how you feel about him on his Facebook wall. Does the post disappear? Does he get upset? Does he return the favour?

It’s important to see how he reacts.

If he’s been lying, don’t feel bad about being the “other woman.” This really wasn’t your fault. You’ve fallen for this guy’s charm. You never knowingly did anyone harm. And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t try contacting this other girl — that would be malicious. Your beef is with him, not her. If he’s been lying, it would probably be best to call the affair off.

Even if he really is in an open relationship, I doubt this will continue to work for you. You’re falling hard for this guy, and you don’t want his affections divided. That’s not unreasonable – most people prefer to be in monogamous relationships. Either way, you should tell him that if he wants to keep you, he needs to be with you and you alone. Tell him that you want to be more serious.

If he agrees to break up with her, make sure it’s done properly, alright? If he lied to you about having an open relationship, he’s perfectly capable of lying to you about ending it with his overseas girlfriend. If he’s been lying, trust issues will linger. But if you really care about him, give him a chance to prove what he can be worth.

If the guy insists on his freedom, you should probably end it too. Unless you undergo a radical personal transformation, hit the bars, and enjoy the perks of being with someone who’s happy to entertain an open relationship. Otherwise, you’ll be consumed by jealousy and melancholy. Don’t let this smooth player shatter your world.

Got a question about sex or relationships for Jackson? Email [email protected]

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