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Hole lotta love? An ear attraction


Dear Jackson,

I'm a mid-twenties guy working on a six-month contract in PP for an NGO. After a string of casual hook-ups, I met a guy with whom I had more of an intense spark. He's quite serious, funny, and when drunk at least, really lively and out there.

We've been seeing each other pretty much exclusively for the past three weeks and for the most part it's good -  but for one thing. He has an orifice fixation - that's all above the belt.Without warning, he will put his tongue in my ear, in my nostril, down my throat. Often in a more public situation, like an expat bar.

I'm not scared of kinky stuff, but I'm not particularly turned on by it either. I don't find this at all intimate, but willfully extroverted and "zany". Is he trying his kinks out on me because he thinks I'm just another fling, or should I be cool with his hole-lotta-lovin?

I find it interesting that your hole-y roller is fixated on public displays of orifice affection. To me, it betrays an anxiety – a need to assert ownership over you, your body – an act of publicly marking territory. Can he not sense you tensing under his tongue? Is he that obtuse? Or do you pretend to like it when he’s scrubbing out your nose?

If this is making you so uncomfortable, you need to talk to your man. Tell him what your lines and boundaries are while making sure that he feels secure in your affection. Do you give him reason to doubt you?

Maybe you need to really tell him how you want him, how you want it to be committed. Make him your facebook boyfriend. Make a point of telling all your friends about your new squeeze. I get a sense that that’s what he’s after – a public sign that you yearn for him too.

There’s nothing wrong with occasional public display of affection (actually, they can be good – they show that desire is there), but a lolling bombardment of a wet tongue sounds rather burdensome. If constant, it could also make people around you feel uncomfortable too, potentially alienating your friends from your new man.  And, I have to say: be careful. Cambodia is a morally traditional society known for drunken acts of ultra-violence. Having your man clean out your holes in public might attract the wrong kind of attention...

Or perhaps he’s trying to tell you something. Here’s my secret: I’m wild crazy with my ears. A lick, a caress, sends me into throes of ecstasy. I can even orgasm if I’m tickled ear-right. Because I like it so much, I find myself doing it to the women I see. I nibble and kiss. Hint hint. Some like it. A few have been grossed out. Turns out that not everyone sees white and shivers from a tongue-in-ear like I do. Again: talk to him.

Ask him what turns him on, then deliver.

If this all fails, then you’re dealing with a man who has a kink. If he’s worth it, embrace it to make him happy – in private. Regardless, you need to talk. It’s not worth staying with someone who knowingly pushes you out of your comfort zone.​

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