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and Spicy Roast Beef on Rye lovers are shocked and outraged. The abrupt closure of

open-24-hour Sharky Mart has left sandwich addicts adrift and confused. Several have

been seen wandering aimlessly around the downtown area late at night, looking haggard

and mumbling savory things to themselves like "more mustard, hold the pickle".

One group of aggrieved former customers, who are trying to manage their sandwich

withdrawal symptoms with the aid of counselors skilled in dealing with Post Traumatic

Digestion Disorder, has organized themselves into The Coalition For Payback Now.

"Where's Steed?" yelped Coalition spokesperson Bubba Burke. "We, in

good faith, became loyal customers at Sharky Mart, and now what? Whoa ... he better

watch out, 'cuz we gonna get some!"

Informed sources say that Steed, while lying low for the moment, has a new and improved

plan to re-launch his sandwich enterprise at another location in the capital, the

details of which will be made public in a series of half-page, color ads in this

newspaper.

** Stargazers take notice. Planet Earth (that's where humans live) is catching up

to planet Mars in an orbit that will bring the two planets the closest in recorded

history. Informed sources say the two planets may not get this close again for as

long as 60,000 years, or by just about the time MPs and ministers agree to publicly

declare their assets.

So, on August 27, Mars will come to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth. Have a look.

We may have to move there soon.

** A recent IPS news report notes that the United Nations produces "in excess

of 700 million printed pages annually," becoming what Shashi Tharpoor, UN under-secretary-general

for public information, calls one of the world's most-celebrated "paper factories".

But, Tharpoor notes the New York Times uses that much paper in a single Sunday edition.

** A group calling itself United People for the Free Khmer Empire says they hacked

into the CPP web site at www.cpp.org and posted their own message. They said they

"apologize for the hacking your website but no freedom of speech shall be denied."

** Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novacain during a root canal? His

goal: transcend dental medication.

** People interested in playing squash or participating in squash competitions should

contact Mr. Mabbitt at [email protected] There's a new court at City Villa that is

supposed to be quite flash.

** More complaints about the Post Office and their unique pricing system keep coming

in. Could the Minister of Posts and Telecommunications have a look please. Thank

you.