** A bunch of armchair pundits have been trying to guess what Ieng Sary's

campaign slogan might be if he starts a new political party. "We were only giving

orders" is the winning entry, submitted by Hurley Scroggins.

** Turtle fans take note. According to Vladimir Frolov, Assistant Director

of the Moscow Zoo, the seven orange-headed temple terrapins (Geoemyda grandis) born

in Phnom Penh under the loving care of turtle king Peter Schier were the first ever

on the planet born in captivity.

** With all the recent Ieng Sary too-much-blood-on-his-hands-or-can-we-forgive-him

debate, surrounded by the has or where's Pol been Potted pontificating, mixed with

the predictable intra coalition, who's criss-crossing sides, regional, and what's-the-big-boy-on-the-block-really-up-to

politics, the key question dogging people's thoughts in Phnom Penh these last two

weeks has been: "Is killing mosquitos and ants bad for your Karma, or does God

condone acts of self defense?"

No divine quidance on the issue has been received to date, but the mossies aren't

waiting for an answer. They're just trying to survive in the only way they know how:

nip and fly.

The ants, however, are bullish on the side of the prosecution. Their main argument

is based on the premise that the cute little critters don't even leave footprints,

let alone bite you in the dark.

** A government Minister commenting on how accessible senior officials are

here compared to other countries around the world says he got a phone call from a

South Korean businessman asking him for the access code for Seoul. Ever the humble

civil servant, he went and looked it up in the phone book.

** Phnom Penglish is evolving quickly. The phrase "I got Flit-manned"

is now passé and has been replaced by the more forward looking "Let's

get Martinized."

** The Cambodian government thinks it has debt problems! What about the Kiwi

ambassador in for a quick visit from Bangkok who invited most of his fellow countrymen

out for dinner and then when the check came discovered he had no money? He tried

pulling out a credit card but was diplomatically reminded that the motto in this

part of the world is "Cash, don't leave home without it."

** This year's rains have shed some light on a rather odd phenomenon. When

it starts to really pour, a fair number of Vietnamese hookers come out of the woodwork

and head for the riverside in their pajamas for a wash and a dip. Sources say this

has been going on for years. Sadly, last week they got pelted by stones, pinched

and chased into hiding by a swarm of young kids.

** Everyone knows that in the journalism profession photographers are - without

question - in a world of their own. Many say they even come from some remote, extremely

bizzare planet, having been abandoned here on earth by their alien masters many eons

ago for heinous crimes too unspeakable to discuss in the company of polite society.

Their behaviour, alas, is thus only a reflection of a deeper frustration and insatiable

longing for a distant, almost forgotten homeland. Given their troubled situation,

we humans are supposed to take pity on them. Right!

All of this was confirmed this week when it was discovered that one photo-hack coming

into town for the KR show had another project to take care of while he was here.

Dashing off to Battambang, the mission at hand involved dressing up a dead pig in

some military garb, putting a Richard Nixon mask on the poor oinker's head, and then

taking pictures of the little piggy while it was being blown up by a land mine.

If anyone is in touch with extraterrestials, please inform them that we are willing

to negotiate. However, we will only agree to learn the mysteries of the universe

if they agree to take their people back.

** The editor of one of the Kingdom's distinguished newspapers says "We

don't charge for the ads; we charge for the articles."