Night

crawlers are giving the new Martini Pub III mixed reviews. They say the outdoor movie

screen is still up to snuff providing cinema buffs with an engaging environment within

which to polish their viewing skills. However, the indoor disco comes in for some

criticism as being a bit claustrophobic, in part, it seems, because the concrete

walls are so thick. One customer mused that it might be the only building in town

where a grenade could go off and the police colonel living down the street wouldn't

notice.

** The Spark nightclub, meanwhile, continues to draw huge crowds of up to 500, especially

on weekends when the offspring of the nouveau riche decide to let their hair down

and fork out $12 for a jug of beer. But observers caution that there are a few too

many guns getting past the "No Guns Allowed" sign. Just last week one customer

was held up by two guys doing a new dance called the Ballistic Shakedown. Reports

indicate that the dance is quite simple: you hold a pistol to someone's head, say

"Give me money", take the cash and move on.

** The US Presidential race is heating up. Kerry strategists say they are looking

at a variety of ways to beef up his campaign in the face of flagging polls.

One insider says the Kerry team is facing a real dilemma. "Democrats have this

problem about wanting to feel warm and fuzzy about their candidate," said the

source. "Republicans don't really care. Hell, they'll elect anybody as long

as he is a conservative. Just look at Bush!"

He said the campaign was looking at introducing a major new slogan given that there

were signs the Yawn Factor was causing Kerry to lose ground. "Right now we're

working with 'A Vote Against Bush Doesn't Mean You Have To Like Kerry'," said

the source who admitted that they were still testing it out among a loose federation

of committed splinter groups.

"At first we were considering 'Join The Gathering Swarm And Give A Sting For

Democracy'," said the party strategist. "But activists among the beekeeper

community nixed the idea, arguing that bees were apolitical and generally not a threat

to humans."

** Security advisory to pedestrians: Be careful about walking along Sothearos Blvd,

near the National Assembly, late at night. Amateur petty thieves, possibly cranked

up on Yaba, are operating in the area.