T

he Ministry of Planning knows something we don't. At least not yet.

One ministry circular received by this paper (listed on the envelope as "No.10

PLP") starts off with: "The angel on the right is a copy of one of the

two flat metal little angels, which were miraculously manifested at the home of a

parent. One came out of a light that had suddenly appeared to a small statue of the

Virgin Mary; the other - similar but a mirror-version - was manifested in a purse."

The bottom line is that "Divine help is, for example, available through the

presence of the Lord Maitreya - mankind's Teacher and Saviour."

The letter says that "Maitreya's methods are simple", which is good because

we wouldn't want the solution to all of humankind's problems to be too complicated

otherwise we'd have to hire highly-paid World Bank consultants to explain it to us.

Here's the kernal of Maitreya's one-step method: "His plan is to place before

mankind the fact that we have but two alternatives left: sharing or death."

Welp, there you have it. Any questions?

Okay, okay. For those who are still wondering which of 54 channels on your cable

system are "sharing" and which are "death", the letter does elaborate.

According to the FAO/UN "...The world's food production could provide enough

food for every world-citizen every day ... Nevertheless, some of us still use and

waste three-quarters of the world's food and not less than 83 per cent of all other

resources."

Any readers who are wasting three-quarters of the world's food, please fess up now

and stop doing it.

The letter notes that there are miraculous signs of the Maitreya's presence everywhere.

Here's just one example: Salim and Ruksana Patel, from Bolten, UK, found seeds in

an eggplant with "Ya Allah" (Allah Exists) written on them.

There are undoubtedly many signs here in Cambodia which are being missed because

too much time is being spent on trying to figure out how to bring the Khmer Rouge

to justice.

If anyone sees a weeping Buddha at a temple, a Virgin Apsara in your rear-view mirror

or a coconut that looks like Woody Allen, please contact Robert Birsell at Reuters.

(See map page for 24-hour hotline tel #.) Bob has agreed to be the point man for

collecting Miraculous Signs here in the Kingdom and is waiting for your call.

** Outraged All Black fans want to know why Kim's Kiwi Bar advertised they

would show the England vs New Zealand rugby match but then refused to put it on when

they showed up. And they refuse to believe that this was some kind of Miraculous

Sign.