IM Malene lay in a dirty chair under her house, a catheter between her legs and her

wheelchair nearby. She did not bother to flick the flies off her left leg. It has

been paralyzed since grenade shrapnel slammed into her spine on March 30, 1997.

"I was on a motorbike on Sothearos Boulevard. As I passed the National Assembly,

a grenade exploded and I fell face down," she said. "I cried for help,

but there was no one around except the wounded and the dead."

She had passed by at the wrong moment that day, just as unknown assailants lobbed

four hand grenades into a rally outside the Assembly. At least 16 people were killed

and 130 injured.

One year later, Malene says she wants to attend the ceremony for the dead, the wounded

and their families, scheduled for 8 am Monday at the grenade site.

"I want to go there so the outside world can see me, see that Cambodia has a

lot of difficulties."

A Buddhist Bon Kmauch ceremony - to help the spirits of the dead rest in peace after

a year - will be held on March 30, 1998. The original rally organizers, dissident

politician Sam Rainsy and union leader Ou Mary, will erect a pavilion and have invited

monks to lead a prayer and meditation session of up to 1000 people.

The family of Chhet Duong Daravuth, a Sam Rainsy loyalist and journalist killed in

the attack, say they would like to come to Rainsy's ceremony but will have a private

one at home instead.

Even after a year, the thought of her husband's murder moves widow Buth Varoun to

tears of rage and sadness.

"Before, when I had difficulties, my husband helped me. Now there is no one

to support me ... that's why I am so angry. But I haven't the power or ability to

fight. So I bear it in my heart," she said.

The family has invited Sam Rainsy to their ceremony, but fear for his security if

he attends. They said they are angry at the level of violence in Cambodia and its

effects.

"My daughter likes and hates camouflage uniforms very much," said Varoun,

pointing to the winsome 4-year-old in an army green T-shirt. "She knows that

these are the uniforms of the people who can kill. She wants to grow up and wear

a uniform like this" so she can avenge her father's death.

Even those who escaped with their lives still bear heavy burdens. The human rights

group Licadho, which received about $21,000 in donations to help the victims, has

spent all but about $3,000 in compensation and ongoing medical care.

Rainsy's party has also provided compensation and medical help, including sending

some of the worst cases to France for treatment.

Virtually all the victims still have grenade shrapnel in their bodies, which can

cause them pain and sometimes fever, and affects their movements. Licadho lacks money

to fund such operations, and some require microsurgery, which is not available here,

according to Eva Bondestam, a Licadho nurse.

Licadho medical reports show that besides their injuries, many victims have suffered

from depression, insomnia, and lack of concentration since the attack: classic symptoms

of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Eighteen-year-old Chien Sarith, who is illiterate and lives in a pagoda, has been

forced to drop out of a motorcycle repair course because he cannot concentrate.

He said of the first time he passed the attack site: "I felt strange. I wanted

to cry, or scream."

He has accepted an invitation to the ceremony, although he says he feels "abandoned"

by Rainsy because he has not been sent to France for treatment.

"You will see on the 30th a lot of people who were wounded. Their lives have

been shattered, broken... What can you do?" asked Rainsy. "I have to take

my full responsibility."

Im Malene made sure that Rainsy took responsibility. After she heard him announce

publicly that the wounded should meet with him, she clambered into her wheelchair,

corralled two people to push, and set off for Rainsy's house.

"I went from my house [behind the French Embassy] to Pochentong street. There

I got a cyclo," said the determined Malene. Rainsy was not at home when she

arrived, but his aides gave her $100.

With Rainsy's compensation, plus 4,000 riel a day and medical aid from Licadho, Malene

can hire a helper and just about cope. She stood up, for the first time since her

injury, three months ago.

But she was plunged into deep depression after July's fighting, afraid Licadho would

close.

"Living now is very hard, even eating or taking a bath. When I want to take

a bath, I must get help," she said, her eyes welling with tears.

Chan Mony, 29, also finds life hard now. He was covering the rally for the Kampuchea

Tngay Nih newspaper, and was almost blinded in the attack.

After the grenades hit "I could only see dark in front of my face", he

said. "My leg was bent all the way up... and I thought I didn't have a left

eye, I felt it and found only blood."

His newspaper paid for treatment in Malaysia, but laid him off while he was recovering

from his injuries. "I went to protest to my boss that 'I worked for you, I got

injured, now you stop me from working' ... but the boss did not reply to that."

He said he is nearly blind in his left eye, and he still limps. But he has a new

job with another newspaper and said he would try to attend the ceremony.

Although Rainsy has said that Second Prime Minister Hun Sen told him that he would

be interested in coming to the ceremony, he feels confident that Hun Sen will not

participate.

"If I were [Hun Sen], I would be embarrassed to come... It would really insult

the people. We should not add insult to injury."

Hun Sen spokesman Prak Sokhonn said he doubted the Second Prime Minister would attend,

noting that Hun Sen has canceled all public appearances due to the death of his mother.

However, Rainsy would like Hun Sen to acknowledge the event. "I think Hun Sen,

[and co-Interior Ministers] You Hockry and Sar Kheng are at least responsible for

not taking the proper precautions [to protect demonstrators]," Rainsy said.

"I think they should at least say sorry for this."

He added: "To some extent I was also responsible. I led people to death. I have

to ask forgiveness also."

The March 30 dead are: Yong Soknev, 18; Yong Srei, 22; Chanti Pheakdei, 13; Ros Sothea,

13; Sok Kheng, 20; Yos Siep, 22; Han Mony, 33; Yoeun Yorn, 17; Sum Sarin, 50, Chhet

Duong Daravuth, 30; Chea Nang, 27; Nam Ty, 37; plus at least four others.

Many of the wounded say they are afraid to be in large public groups now. But Im

Malene is resolute.

"I will go to join the ceremony. And if there is a grenade attack again - let

me die."