Embedded with a romance guru

Embedded with a romance guru

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You know in your lying cheater’s heart that sometimes a start is all we ever get.” - Junot Díaz, from the short story “The Cheater’s Guide to Love”

So I’m out for dinner with this girl. She’s a Samantha that goes by Sam. Smart, opinionated, and fiery when drunk. She’s telling me about the Phnom Penh Fox. “I’d love to meet the guy who writes it,” she says, “and snip off his nuts.”

We talk about what we’d like to see in a sex column. It should be fun, we agree. It should be honest and amusing. It should be about people learning each other’s rhythms. But more than anything, it should be hot – for everyone.

I say, “Great sex is about trust. The best I’ve ever had has been with women I’ve taken the time to really know.”

Sam says, “Jackson. You should try giving this writing thing a shot.”

I had a girlfriend who wouldn’t take off her socks. Not in bed. Not even to feel the summer grass. Another, a German doctor/model, wept whenever she was on top. She had recently been dumped by the paraplegic she fell in love with during her student hospital residency... A friend tells me that he can’t get it up the first time he brings a girl home. If he’s given a second chance, he says, everything is slippery and golden. A Khmer friend says she can’t get past her boyfriend’s anal fixation. Another friend tells me that she’s really into this guy – he could be The One! – except she thinks she can’t satisfy him: in bed, he’s as silent as a mouse.

I wonder what strangeness I’ve been accused of. I have a thing for ears, teeth, and bellybuttons – I know. I’ve been called unselfish, attentive, self-absorbed, romantic, caring, and cold. I’ve learned that people are peculiar in their tastes, perspectives, and idiosyncrasies. I’ve learned that they’re worth getting to know. Sometimes, it’s not easy. People can be weighed by history - not everyone reveals themselves on Facebook or in bars. Sometimes learning a person is worth the effort and time…You never know what you might find.

I learned the hard way. Running around, webs of lies and too many pairs of legs – not women, not people. The chase became an obsession. I don’t want to get into it. Not yet. So I’ll leave it here for now: I lost a chance at love and happiness because I was so goddamn fixated on finding new lays. But that was years ago. Since, I’ve lived and loved and learned from my mistakes. Now, I’m waiting and looking and working to make something right...

In Phnom Penh – a world of cheap thrills and fleeting romance – there must be people dying to make and keep a connection, people needing help with lovers that are kinky, weird, or traumatized. Now, I’ve had my share of good, bad, strange, hot, and awkward - and that’s why I’m here. I want to bring people together. And I’ll tell you some stories. I’ll be respectful, too – no need to snip off my nuts. You can call me Jackson Lord Seaton. I’m here to give advice.

“Embedded with Jackson Lord Seaton” will be a weekly advice column. To send Jackson your sex and relationship questions, issues, and problems, e-mail [email protected] 7 Days guarantees the anonymity of all submitters.

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