The flawless Apsara women lining the walls of Angkor Wat, representing the virtuous female, have never ceased to amaze me, but at the same time my jaw drops thinking of the paradox that exists in the present-day Cambodia. Women are asked to achieve perfection but often held back as they strive towards self-improvement.

The role of woman in Cambodia’s past is irrefutable, as is their importance in today’s society. But it is equally certain that critical damage has been done unto many of the Kingdom’s females by the social forces and systematic flaws that have kept generations of woman away from schools and a proper education .

Not unlike many Cambodian woman today, my deceased grandmother was confined to her house and her main task as a young woman was to prepare herself to be somebody’s wife. She wasn’t taught to read because her parents were afraid she would write love letters and elope. As the young boys went to pagoda to study with monks who were also the only public educators at the time, women remained illiterate and intellectually underexposed.

Despite the fact that schools have opened their doors to girls, and the government has made it a priority to get them in the classroom, a history of prioritising the education of men has hardly been washed away. Head to the garment factories, where more than 90 percent of the workers are women, the majority of whom have been on one end of the “push/pull effect” of labour migration. That is: the attraction of a salary pulling them in while their family push them out. Or talk to any organisation working in education in the Kingdom and they will tell you one of the hardest parts of keeping girls in schools is convincing families of the long-term benefits of an educated daughter.

As a Khmer woman, I too am required by tradition to uphold the image of my family, speak softly, walk lightly and be well-mannered. If I laugh loudly, I am reminded of oft-repeated admonitions and maintaining my virginity until marriage is often seen as more important than the quality of my character.

But the expectation that young women today should remain Srey Krup Leakenak, a pure and virtuous woman, is downright disturbing to me, especially when we are asked to prepare ourselves to compete in a highly-competitive job market. The saying goes that Khmer girls are white cotton while a boy is a gem. When white cotton is muddied, it can never be returned to its original state while a dirtied gem can glitter time and again.

While these lessons may not be part of government policy or school textbooks, they are learned from a young age and their effect can be disastrous. The reality of the situation is that the quiet, subservient Khmer woman today often receives little respect for her efforts to be srey krou leakenak while making herself vulnerable to domestic violence, workplace and academic discrimination or sexual abuse.

But, as always, there are some shining examples of the human spirit rising above the obstacles set out by society. Sold into prostitution as a small child, Somaly Mam survived years of trauma and emerged a strong, beautiful and driven women. She has since written book, The Road of Lost Innocence, and set up an organization, “AFESIP,” or “Acting for Women in Distressing Circumstances” in English, that has rescued thousands of Cambodian women from sexual slavery and abuse. Somaly Mam argues the status of Cambodian women in society is still fragile in every respect, but her very presence is a case against the inferiority of women.

Somaly Mam is not srey krup leakenak in the way traditionalists might want, but she is the kind of woman that female youth can look up to and respect. She has been kicked around in the dirt, but if she were cotton she is still a crisp, brilliant white.

The opportunities for woman are expanding in the Kingdom, and more parents are choosing the same path that my parents chose by encouraging their daughters to live with freedom and follow their dreams. However, there is still miles to go before woman experience the same status in Cambodian society as men. While social programmes, policies of equality and women’s rights campaigns can help in the fight, it is women like Somaly Mam, who provide an irrefutable argument against archaic ideas about Cambodian women, who will truly change the way that Cambodian women live in the Kingdom.

Do you think that young women in the Kingdom today should strive to be srey krup leakenak, in the traditional sense? Go to angkorone.com/lift