The Post has obtained a copy of the entire autobiography purportedly
written by Piseth Pelika, before her murder in July this year. It is
published here in full in both Khmer and English. The French magazine
L'Express, which first published a story on the so-called diary, has said it
was verified through fingerprints and handwriting analysis. Independent of
L'Express's verification process and the Sam Rainsy Party, which has also been
involved in the diary coming to light, academic Dr Steve Heder from the School
of Oriental and African Studies in London has also read the diary and compared
it to known samples of Pelika's handwriting. He said he, and other people both
Cambodian and non-Cambodian who had viewed the material, though not handwriting
experts, believe the writing matches.
MY former name is Uk Iep Pili, born in Svay Rieng province. My father's name
is Uk Hel, born in Angkor Chey district, Kampot province. My mother's name is
Meng Mony, born in Po Tahor of Prey Veng province. I have two younger sisters:
1- Uk Divina, born in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Rooster 2- Uk Divadou, born
in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Pig.
My grandfather's name (father's
father) is Kong Ro, [born] at Phnom Kong, Tani Tuk Meas commune, Angkor Chey
district, Kampot province. My grandmother's name (mother's mother) is Ma
[Another] grandfather (mother's father) is Meng Sam, born in Tonle
Toch district, Kandal. [Another] grandmother (mother's mother) is So Koth, born
in Tahor district, Svay Rieng province.
I was born in the Year of the
Horse in 1965. I left my home village at the age of about 4 or 5 years old and
came to live in Phnom Penh. My parents had a wooden house at Beng Trabek behind
Mr. Saing Yun's house, which was an inheritance from my mother's grandparents. I
lived together [with my family] at Beng Trabek. I knew I had two
When I reached the age to go to school, I went Wat Koh school
with my aunt (my mother's sister) named Meng Kunnary. In 1972 or 73, my father
moved to work as a school master in Kompong Cham. I changed the school and went
to Kompong Cham with my father, mother and sisters.
I had a male cousin
named Iv Kim Heng and a female cousin named Siv Kim Hieng, alias Srey. They are
my father's nephew and niece.
Some time in 1974 or early 1975, when the
country was at war, I moved back to Phnom Penh together with all [of my family].
I went back to Wat Koh school. People who lived in my house were Aunt Kun, Uncle
Riem and their son Kuoch and daughter Kumpheak. Another person was Uncle So
Then, Grandma So Koth's nephew, and Grandma So Koth's foster daughter, Sareoung
(her husband was Soeun).
In 1975, the war got more serious and Uncle So
Then's wife was killed by a shell.
[The 17th of] April 1975 was the day
when the Democratic Kampuchea, led by its ringleader Pol Pot took control and
drove people out of Phnom Penh, including my family. My family and I went out of
Phnom Penh through Chbar Ampov. We rested at Wat Champa, Kien Svay district.
Then, we went to Tbong Damrey district on a boat. My parents and sisters and I
lived in Tbong Damrey district, Tonle Toch.
For about 3 or 4 months
during the Pol Pot regime, they drove my family, my grandparents as well as my
aunt and uncle who are my mother's relatives to Pursat near Tonle Snguoth. It
was a forest village rarely inhabited. My grandparents, aunt and uncle were
separated to Po Leong village, Kandieng district, Pursat province far away from
me. It took all morning to walk to see each other.
Time had passed by.
Nothing was certain. We were living among the people who had different ideas.
Pol Pot [Khmer Rouge cadre] took people, including my family and tortured,
starved and separated them according to their inhumane thinking. They created a
terrible regime which I could not contemplate. The fact that we used to live
together happily had changed in the blink of an eye.
My parents had to go
to build an irrigation system, while I was put into the children's concentration
camp with my second sister. My first sister had to stay in the house because she
was too young, about two or three years old.
In mid 1976, my mother fell
sick. My father was also sick. My father was sent to the Baksey hospital the
first time, while my mother was sick at home. My mother's life wore her out bit
When my father was not at home, my mother went to beg for the rice
ration and palm juice distributed for the patients. It was a handful of rice and
a bamboo stick of palm juice. She did not eat and drink them, but she rather
wandered around to collect the remaining [juice] in the pan and [porridge] left
in the bowl. She saved rice and palm juice to make a sweet bit by bit for my
father. [She] planted three tobacco trees under the house for my
Then, I did not know the value of love. I wondered why my mother
was willing to starve herself and keep [the food] for her husband. I asked her
to eat [the rice and sugar], but she told us to wait till my father came to eat
together. I was waiting for the day my father came back from the hospital, but
it was too long. My mother became sicker and sicker, so sick that she could not
walk. She tried to water the three tobacco trees very well. I remember and won't
forget [that] the tobacco trees were very good. She tried to walk to catch fish
but she could not walk. She moved on her buttocks to go to catch fish and asked
me to help her.
I was small and had not known what suffering was. I
wasn't busy much with my mother. But, I thought I prefered my father to my
mother. My mother tried to catch fish, grill it till it was well done and send
it to my father at the hospital. My father liked anything which was well done,
so my mother understood his feelings.
Later on, she got seriously sick.
She told me that 'the rice is for Dad to cook for all to eat; and the sugar is
for Dad to eat together. You water the tobacco trees well for Dad.' And I kept
this in mind.
One night, they made Khmer noodle behind Pol Pot's dinning
hall for people to eat. That night, my mother ate [the noodle] savouring them
till she was full.
Then, she became sick again till she almost died. She
called out to ask for medicines, but nobody had any. I could just sit and
massage my mother's legs and shed my tears. I didn't know that my mother almost
died. I just knew that she had a pain in her body. I pitied her. She continued
screaming till she almost died.
My mother was in agony and I called out
for help "My mother is not right; Please help my mother, aunts and uncles.' But,
they could only stay still, looking for a way to survive themselves. My mother
was out of her breath. I screamed out and woke my sisters who were sleeping,
embracing my mother.
My mother was covered with a badly torn sarong,
almost see through when she died. At that time, I thought that my mother was
only sleeping without moving. I didn't know she had died. I cried because she
stayed still and didn't talk to me. My sisters, my dead mother and I were
together. Nobody came to have a look. Then, an uncle who was also sick came to
have a look. He told me that she had passed away. He told me to go and find
Uncle Mao, who is my mother's cousin living in a nearby village. Then that uncle
went back to sleep.
The vicious regime had made people ignore each other.
They just cared for themselves. Peoples' spirits were turned into machines
during that regime. There was only nature in which people could take shelter. It
was very difficult to ask for help from another human being.
were still sleeping and embracing my dead mother. I ran through the night,
leaving behind my dead mother and the two sisters, to get my uncle. When my
uncle arrived, he could just shake his head and lit the lamp and put it above my
mother's head. Then, he took the three of us to sleep at his house, leaving my
dead mother to stay alone. I followed him not realizing anything.
mother was alone without any relatives, brothers or sisters saying any prayers
for her. I didn't believe why my mother had to be so unfortunate and
I remember that my aunt, Nary, alias Prok, told me that my
mother had been very sad since she was divorced.
When my mother reached
the age of marriage, she was forced by her parents to have a husband, named
Neang, who was a teacher and well off. But, my mother refused. My grandparents
beat her and put love spells on her till she got married.
the wedding hall, one of my uncles named Uncle Phat [said that] he had loved my
mother. But he hadn't dared to say because he was still at school. He was my
mother's cousin. He fell off the wedding hall, but nobody knew the problem he
During the wedding, my mother tried to run away, but she was caught
by my grandparents. They wanted to punish my mother, because my mother was
stubborn. And they told their nieces that they would punish those who were
stubborn like [my mother]. The wedding was over. My mother had to go to live
with the husband she didn't love. Her husband said that my mother didn't let him
go near her. She had a knife with her.
After about one month, my mother
secretly ran away on a boat with a package to her aunt's house. The old people
could not force her anymore. Her husband conceded and they divorced each other.
Then, uncle Phat, who had loved my mother for a long time, built a
relationship with my mother as sweat hearts. The old people didn't stop them,
because they understood my mother's feelings. My uncle had a small radio as a
keepsake of my mother. Then, my uncle went to work or learn something in
One day, uncle Phat went to a wedding party. When he
backed his car, he hit and kill the daughter of a Lao-Khmer widow. She refused
to accept compensation. She only demanded her daughter back. The villagers and
her sisters arrested and threatened my uncle and would not to let him leave the
village until he agreed to marry the woman and pay her daughter back. At his
wit's end, my uncle had to marry that woman. He had hidden the story and refused
to say anything, because it was too late. He said he would not come back and
step on the homeland he used to live on. He really paid back a child to [the
widow] and it was a son. But, he didn't live with that woman. They lived in
separate places and he would visit his son once in a while.
My mother was
determined not to get married again and waited for the age to become a
But, [as the Khmer saying goes] the life's love partners will meet
each other. My father named Uk Hel, who lived in Tani Tuk Meas in Kampot
province, moved to Svay Rieng province to learn to become a teacher. He lived
with a family who made Buddhist statues for sale. He also helped the family
making [the statues]. It was when my mother was also living in her home village
in Svay Rieng province. My father saw my mother and asked for her hand and
The next morning, Uncle Mao rolled the body of my mother
with a mat. He had six incense sticks for me and my sisters to carry and follow
the body of my mother when they carried my dead mother to bury her. From day to
day, we the three sisters had been waiting for my mother in case she would
return home. We didn't have any news about my father. We never had news about
My sisters kept on asking for my mother, but I told them that this
was what was called death that there wouldn't be a day she would come back.
Uncle Mao and his wife, aunt Kim Suor took us, the three sisters, to live with
them. Then, the two, husband and wife, were told to move to another place. We
the three sisters couldn't go with them. We had to be separated from
Then, there was a woman named Sister Hor, wife of the village
chief, Uncle Kem, who took us to live with her. She took care of my youngest
sister, but me and my second sister had to go to different ways but would drop
in at home once in a while. I lived in the children's concentration
Sometimes, I went to see my father. Later on, my father came back
home. Only then did he know that my mother died, through one of my friends named
Hay, who told him [about my mother] along the way. Under a guava tree, my father
stood, shedding his tears, because [the news about my mother's death] was kept
secret from him when he was at the hospital.
When he entered the house, I
described to him about the rice, sugar and tobacco that my mother had left for
him. After listening he could only sit down and weep all day till night
After that time, my father had to take care of the three of us. He
took us from the village chief. Several months later, my father fell sick again.
He was sent to the hospital again. Then, my aunt named Prok and Aunt Kun as well
as my grandparents heard the news that my mother had died. They took my two
sisters [to live with them]. They didn't meet me, because I was sent to harvest
rice, dig the earth and build embankments away from home. When I came back home,
I was told that my sisters went with my aunt.
I went to see my father
and met him the first time. I gave him the porridge which was my ration. He ate
all of it. The next time I went to see him, he was gone. He had been sent to
Kandieng hospital which was the region hospital. Since then, my father has been
Some months later, my aunt came to look for me and told me that
my youngest sister was ill. She took me and ran out of the children's
concentration camp to live with her. I went to her house in Poleong village,
Pothivong district, Pursat province.
By then, my youngest sister could
not walk. she was seriously sick. I lived and worked with old people. Not long
after, my sister was in agony one night. She screamed for rice and water till
her voice died out. That day, my grandmother was not around, because she went to
make cakes in the dinning hall. We only knew that my sister died the next
morning. At that time, I knew clearly that once you died there wouldn't be a day
you came back.
Our lives were like animals'. [My loved ones] died one
after another. Upon hearing the news that my mother died, my grandfather starved
himself till he died too. Since then, I had lived with Aunt Prok, Aunt Kun and
Some time in mid or late 1978, Pol Pot evacuated me and
other people to escape from the Vietnamese and the liberating troops. They drove
us up and down the mountain. Some people were killed. Aunt Kun also died there.
She called me to leave her last words and asked me to take care of her two
children, Khuoch and Kumpheak.
The year 1979 was the year when I came
back to life. But, I don't remember when I came to Phnom Penh. The Khmer people
must all remember the 7th of January 1979 and must not forget it.
lived with Aunt Naly, alias Prok, and her husband, Sao Piseth, alias Neang, as
their daughter. I have a sister left. Aunt Kun died and left two children and a
grandmother. Aunt Prok has two children but she had another child after the
liberation day. There are ten people in the family.
I first went to
Bandoh Vichea school. My family moved to live at the Arts Center, Bodinh
compound, near the Bassac theatre. I also went to study dancing and Khmer
language. Then, I moved from the house burned along with the Bassac theatre to
the other side of Bodinh compound near Kapko market.
Some time in 1979 or
mid 1979, I moved school and took the exam to study dancing again, because the
Fine Art School had moved. At that time, I was not successful with the dancing
exam. Old man Chheng Phon, who was the person who recruited students, said I
But later on, with support from Aunt Di Sakhan, who was a
group singer there, I went to study dancing again. After several months of
effort, child dancers were selected to perform abroad. It was old man Chheng
Phon who selected the dancers. The first time, we went to the Soviet Union
through Vietnam. I was selected to go along with them.
I was only about
15 or 16 years old. We went to many states in the soviet Union, including
Moscow, Kazastan and Kagysgistan. It was one month till we came back also
After studying at the fine Arts School for about a year,
we moved to the Miss school, which was the Youth school. But before moving to
the Youth school at Psah Chas, I went to practice at the Royal Palace, now that
the Royal Palace was used as a drama school; dancing, plays and music [were
taught there]. After several months at the Youth school, we moved to the old
stadium at the end of the Chroy Chanva Bridge.
Later on, some time in
1986, I went to perform in India. Upon my return, someone came to ask for my
hand [in marriage]. I was about 16 or 17-years-old then. It was the life of a
single girl, but I didn't know anything. The day they came to see me was
Saturday at night, because I had permission to stay at home on Saturday and
Sunday. From Monday to Saturday morning I had to stay at school. It was a
The night they came to see me, I was at home. I was wearing
an old theatre shirt with a torn back and a sarong. The man who came to see me
was named El Narin, who was the deputy chief of the Phnom Penh Traffic Police
during the State of Cambodia. After he saw me, he was satisfied with me. But, I
didn't know how to love him.
My grandmother begged and forced me to sign
the papers to get married to him. I wept and insisted [not to marry him]. But,
once someone had asked for your hand [and your family agreed], it was done.
After that, that man had a traffic accident and broke his leg. He stayed in the
hospital. But, I didn't care, because I didn't know how to love. But, he loved
me very much.
One day, my grandmother asked me to take some food to give
to Narin. I went with my friends and dumped it at Wat Phnom and didn't take it
My aunt believed the fortunetellers that Narin and I wouldn't
have a good married life. So, she canceled the engagement. And I agreed with her
entirely. Narin and I canceled the engagement. I also stopped studying at the
Fine Arts School and started working at the Department of Arts.
or 87, Mr Kloth Ratana contacted me to act in his film when Khmer film
[industry] was then starting. I got the agreement from my aunt and uncle to act
in the film. At that time, I acted in the film of the Wat Phnom Film Production
with Mr. Vandi Ka On as the director and Ie Vong Hem as the producer. I acted as
the female star and Thong Vutha as the male star. Thong Vutha was working at the
airline. I had been acting with Vutha all the time. Vutha seemed to be teased by
others in the same team. I didn't hate Vutha ... He and I seemed to understand
each other a little bit, but it was useless.
Later on, there was a man
named Seng Sary from France, who was satisfied with me and came to ask for my
hand. My aunt decided to give me to him. The engagement between me and Seng Sary
proceeded in a suitable manner. He bought me a necklace [weighing] five chis.
Then, he stopped acting in the movies. My aunt and uncle agreed with him. I
stopped acting in the films for some time.
Later on, I found that he
already had a French wife. And I would only be a wife in Cambodia to visit once
in a while. My heart was broken. I decided to go back to the film
Several months later, Mr Khay Praseth - who met me when acting
in the first film (The Shadow of Darkness). He stopped acting because he had an
accident and didn't listen to the director - fell in love with me but, I didn't
know that. One day, the director of the Sarika Film Production invited me to act
in a film with Khay Praseth. I agreed to act with him. My relationship with Khay
Praseth began. I cut off my contact with Seng Sary, who was in France and did
not know [of my decision].
Later on, I got married to Khay Praseth. After
I got married to Khay Praseth, we lived with my aunt. After about two months, I
moved to live in another house different from aunt Prok. I lived with my
husband, my grandmother and Sopheak.
Later on, I married my sister to
Each Chandara. When my sister got married I was not happy because my husband and
I and aunt Prok were not in harmony with each other. My husband did not agree
with this marriage. But, he took off his bracelet and necklace [to sell to help
pay for the] marriage of his sister[-in-law].
I let my sister live with
me as I was very sad, because my husband had treated me very badly. I was
terribly depressed. At that time I was pregnant. My husband had a [love]
relation with Chea Sam Ath, a daughter of Samdech Chea Sim. He had not taken
care of me. My life with him was broken: he went his way and I went my
Later on, I gave birth to my son. I went back to work at the Fine
Arts School and I was recognized by other teachers and Princess Bopha Devi.
Later on, I went to the United States for six months. Then, my husband
was looking after the son. Then, Mr [Khay Pra]seth also went to the United
States. At that time, we kept contact with each other till we had a child. But,
we agreed to take the child out. [After] Mr Seth and I got married, Mr Seth had
an accident and had wasted a lot of property.
When Mr Seth lived with
me, he sometimes cursed me and sometimes quarreled with me beating me almost
every day. I always thought that I [must] endure this. Before I went to America,
he kicked me once and made me [so painful that] I couldn't speak. I had thought
of divorcing him several times, but I didn't have the chance. Because of his
threats, I tried to endure till I thought that I would be miserable and wouldn't
have a way to divorce him.
I returned from the United States before Khay
Praseth did because Samdech Preah Ream Bopha Devi called me back to perform the
Ramayana dance [in preparation] to go to an arts festival in Thailand. I came
back according to the order. [When] I came back from the United States, I got
$20,000. I was very happy, because I had never had such a large sum of
When my husband was away, I received some flirting words from some
men. But, I thought that I wouldn't care how much money those men would splash
on me. I tried to endure and wait for my husband to come back from America in
case he had changed his mind and, with the money, he would invest in a future
Later on, Mr Khay Praseth returned to Cambodia, because I
called him back as I missed my husband. But, after coming back to Cambodia he
didn't have any work to earn money.
He just blamed me as before. I have
kept in mind he had treated me badly. From day to day, Khay Praseth got more
brutal to me. He said he was jealous. But, he seemed less angry when I went any
place that I could make money.
Some time in October, 1996 or 97, I was
invited to Australia for three months. Some days after I came back, my husband
didn't have any problems, because I came back with $5,000.
One day, it
was the day of [International] Women's Rights on the 8th of March 1997, Mr Seth
went to drink wine with Por Dy and had a quarrel [with someone]. Then, he drove
the car and hit a tree. And the car worth $14,000 was damaged. It was sold for
only $8,000. At that time, he injured his head. But one night before he had a
problem, he threatened me and pointed a gun at me. He chased me and fired the
gun at me all over the house. I was panicing and almost lost my soul. Then, he
had the accident the next night. I thought that I must find the time to divorce
But, the judge was away from Cambodia. Because of my [religious]
merit, Khay Praseth left for Australia again after only some months. At that
time, I thought that if Khay Praseth continued to oppress me, even through
telephone, I would find a way to escape.
Those who used to court me came
back again. They included Meung Samphan, Sam Dara and Hok Lundy. But, I thought
that they were just [in love with me] for pleasure, because I was a girl who was
a film star. I was waiting for a higher ranking man whom I loved, respected and
liked. But, I never thought that I would meet him.
One night, when
already midnight, [a man] telephoned me and asked how I was as usual. I was very
happy. I was both frightened and glad. I could hardly speak out, then, I just
Then, he called me again. I was just happy now that he was
thinking of me. And his words were very lovely and respectful.
As for Mr
Khay Praseth in Australia, there was news that he had another traffic accident.
And whatever news, it had never made me happy. Which woman would be able to
endure this. All the money [we] tried to earn had been wasted. I must earn money
bit by bit to feed the family myself. My husband did not understand my heart
One day, that man telephoned me again. He spoke the words to make
me understand [and] I agreed with him without realizing that I had done so. He
called me and asked if I could meet him, I agreed. I almost collapsed and fell
unconscious after agreeing with his request. I could neither eat or sleep till I
fell sick. Before I went to meet him, I had to have two bags of drips [to gain
the strength]. I didn't know what to do.
The promised day arrived. It was
the 18th of August 1998, at 8 o'clock, at the house behind Wat Botum. I met him
without the feeling [soul] in my body, but I just knew that I loved him. I knew
that I would have a bad story in the future for me, because he already had a
The second rendezvous was on 22/8/98. I decided to divorce my
husband, because I thought that I could not live with him. Even though this next
man abandoned me in a short period of time, I had submitted a paper to divorce
Khay Praseth. And I even telephoned to tell him this. Khay Praseth didn't agree.
He had threatened and insulted me in every way. He said if I divorced him, he
would shoot and kill me and my brothers and sisters. I still insisted and didn't
back down as before.
On Saturday, 26/9/98, Mr Seth came to Phnom Penh to
look for me, but I escaped. At 5 or 6pm, Mr Seth caused trouble and beat my
brothers and sisters. He was drunk and noisy. He went around to look for
Later on, my brothers and sisters and I filed a law suit at the
competent ministry who arrested Mr Seth, Praseu, A'Cheth and A'Pon, the four
came from Australia, and detained them at the penal police headquarters.
On Thursday, 1/9/98, he went back to Australia. I had received serious
support from that man, which made me win.
On Monday, 28/9/98, the old
love ties between me and Khay Praseth were ended at the penal police office
peacefully and sadly at nearly 3pm.
On Thursday, 1/9/98, Mr. Khay Praseth
went back to Australia at 12 noon. [My] son, Seth Lisak, went to see him
Later on, my relation between me and [the not yet named man] became
closer, [so] close that he said he was already my husband. Even one day [after
having sex], he was also a husband. I had not dared to receive [this claim],
because I feared what would happen in the future now that he already had a wife.
But, as the matter of fact, I loved him [and] I also regarded him as my husband,
because this was the karma that I could not escape. I had never thought of
selling my body for money.
On Thursday, 24/9/98, I met him the third time
at T.T.B.Y. [Turotuos Bayon or TV Bayon].
Later on, I continued to have
good relationship with Samdech Hun Sen all the time. Later on, he came to my
house that I bought on 31/1/99, at about 9pm, almost 10pm.
Later on, he
came to meet me again at the same time (first met at home). He met me at home
the second time (it was the fifth time), also at night. He met me the third time
(it was the sixth time), also at home at night.
We had met each other for
the sixth time. My meeting with him had been secret all the time. One day, [the
secret] was leaked to Mr Kim [Takmao Mayor Kun Kim]. I thought nothing would
happen. I once had an appointment to meet Bang [darling] Sen at a noodle
restaurant in Ta Khmao without anyone knowing. Later on, I met him while testing
Bang Sen's new car at the Hun Sen Park. After that, I met him along the way
after returning from the [TV3's] Fate of Chance Program. I met him along the
road to Chak Angre [way to Ta Khmao].
Later on, the secret became
widespread. I didn't know if I would be in peace or not. Bang Sen had helped me
with everything. He even built me a house. But, I didn't consider whether it
would be mine or not.[I did not know whether] it was the karma from this life or
former life, there were a lot of men who attempted [to love me] and I
disappointed them all. But, I had never thought of them so much that like I
loved Bang Sen. I knew that my beauty was not important. But, [in my case],
people all said I was a woman with karma.
I had been married with Khay
Praseth. But, I had not said anything about my heart and about my love with a
broad meaning like [with] Bang Sen. Bang Sen had said good things and done good
things with me. I didn't know about the cheating or the truth from him, because
I had never been deceived by any men. I had never suffered any pain from any
men. It was only me who made them feel pain. But, this time it might be me who
would suffer the pain and even more seriously.
I would be terribly broken
hearted if I was to be deceived by Bang Sen, because it was Bang Sen who said
anything before I did and made me trust him. [He even said] something that I
didn't dare to accept.
[It was] the time when we were separated when the
story was made known to his wife. I stopped our phone meetings. My heart was
almost broken. I remembered a phrase of one of Sin Sisamouth's songs that says
'there will be the day when you girl be aware of yourself when you meet the
crisis of love'.
In the past, I had never believed that I would have a
crisis with love. Talking about this, I seemed very ashamed, because I was not a
single woman who just met love. I thought I was being crazy and I was crazy with
someone else's husband, which was sinful. Even if his wife beat and killed us
because we did not counter-attack and we were most sincere with him, there
wouldn't be anyone who would help us.
Oh Bang Sen, you said that you were
a lucky man who had won both my heart and my body. I would be also have been a
lucky woman if you thought and took care of me forever.
I don't think
that I was lucky [only] because I could achieve what I had wished for. I am only
desperate and desperate forever. I am thinking that I am now very lonely like
the earth with nobody [else] living on it. The earth seems very crowded and
[people] are almost unable to find a place to live, but it seemed like there was
nothing, because I have to be separated from him and can't find the man I have
met for a period of time. I had always prayed that I wouldn't ever ecounter such
I think that I met Bang Sen on Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock in
the morning, which was the time when the sun was shining beautifully. It
[Thursday] was the day which is considered the strong day, the hard day which
cannot be broken, and I would have to be as shining as the sunlight. It is as
strong as the day which was cherished [in the ancient rules]. On that day, I am
very sure that I had sex as husband and wife.
On the night of Wednesday
approaching Thursday the 8th, I dreamed about Bang Sen sending me a letter
through a son of old man Cheng Pon. That letter was a letter of mourning
[written] on white paper with a black-ink pen. The characters in the letter were
signs, but I understood that Bang Sen was being requested by his wife for
divorce... I didn't take it seriously, because I thought that it was just a
One day, at exactly 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Samdech Hun Sen
telephoned me to tell me that on Sunday, the 11th of April 1999, I would
received the words of apology from him, because he could not struggle with me
He told me to deny anything which had happened. I accepted
because he said that his wife adamently refused to allow him to contact me
[anymore]. He listened to his wife. Finally, I understood the taste [of
suffering]. He told me that I must try to [forget] him. Thanks God that let me
know the taste in life.
Every day, I would always be anticipating
telephone calls with my liver almost bursting. I couldn't be determined [to
forget him]. I would always be sitting so thoughtfully that I almost became an
insane woman. I had written several phrases of poems from the bottom of my
heart. I shed tears. At 7.40 at night would be remembered in life. [the rest of
this sentence is not clear in the original text]
I went to give my
thumbprint forcing me to return the house which Samdech Hun Sen had given me to
his wife. I was so painful I couldn't speak. They told me to give them
[everything] in remorse.
Friday, 23 April, 1999:
I was called by
Uncle Thai Seng Long to go and meet the right hand person of Chumteav Bun Rany.
He conveyed the words from Chumteav to me that she needed to get back the car
that Bang Sen asked Uncle Long to buy for me and told me to stop phone contact
with Bang Sen.
On Monday, 26 April 1999 at 7:30am I went to get my money
at the Canadia Bank. But they did not process the money for me, because there
was an order from Bun Rany not to allow [them] to give it to me, because she
said it was her husband's money given to [me]. The total amount of money was
$200,000, but I had cashed $50,000 and an interest of nearly
Saturday, 1 May 1999 Bang [darling] Sen asked Uncle Thai Seng
Long to come and collect a picture I had taken with him and his wife with my
husband. That picture was taken in Korea in 1993 or 1994. I gave it to him with
sadness and worry.
I tore off the picture and gave it to him [Seng Long]
with shaking hands. I just realized that I was a moth who was flying into the
fire. I didn't know whether I [could live] in peace or not now that it was her
own master [husband] who did this to me.
For a period of time, I always
hid myself in the house [soaked] with [so much] sadness that I thought I wanted
to go [to the pagoda] and become a nun. Later on, I tried to forget [and] cope
with all the painful stories. I became confused. I didn't know when I [could
completely] forget [this]. [So sad] that I fell ill slowly with pain.
Monday, 10 May 1999 at 9:15am, General Director of National Police Hok Lundy
called me to go and meet him to tell me about something. He sent two bodyguards
to pick me up. I went with my younger sister. [I was mixed] with fear and
gladness lest I would get any news from Bang Sen conveying any words [to me]. I
went to meet Hok Lundy in Kien Svay at a quiet place which was a restaurant. He
told me to escape to another place for a period of time because Lok Chumteau Bun
Rany Hun Sen was being very angry [and] intended to take my life. I was very
frightened, but I still tried to hold my spirit, bite my lips [and] shed tears
unable to believe that I had been seriously deceived like this. My heart was
broken because I hadn't sold myself to Samdech Hun Sen, it was [that] we loved
each other like husband and wife. But I was too stupid to believe his words
because I had never been deceived by anyone.
This was the first lesson that had made me know [a deceitful man] and I knew
a person who [knows] all the expressions. I don't know whether they will let me
live or die, because the earth is under their control. I only have God [to go
to] and build merit to return to confront them.
Monday 14 June 1999, 9am
I withdrew $18,000 that Bang Sen gave me [as a deposit] to buy a house worth