Logo of Phnom Penh Post newspaper Phnom Penh Post - Autobiography purportedly written by Piseth Pelika

Autobiography purportedly written by Piseth Pelika

Autobiography purportedly written by Piseth Pelika

The Post has obtained a copy of the entire autobiography purportedly

written by Piseth Pelika, before her murder in July this year. It is

published here in full in both Khmer and English. The French magazine

L'Express, which first published a story on the so-called diary, has said it

was verified through fingerprints and handwriting analysis. Independent of

L'Express's verification process and the Sam Rainsy Party, which has also been

involved in the diary coming to light, academic Dr Steve Heder from the School

of Oriental and African Studies in London has also read the diary and compared

it to known samples of Pelika's handwriting. He said he, and other people both

Cambodian and non-Cambodian who had viewed the material, though not handwriting

experts, believe the writing matches.

MY former name is Uk Iep Pili, born in Svay Rieng province. My father's name

is Uk Hel, born in Angkor Chey district, Kampot province. My mother's name is

Meng Mony, born in Po Tahor of Prey Veng province. I have two younger sisters:

1- Uk Divina, born in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Rooster 2- Uk Divadou, born

in Phnom Penh in the Year of the Pig.

My grandfather's name (father's

father) is Kong Ro, [born] at Phnom Kong, Tani Tuk Meas commune, Angkor Chey

district, Kampot province. My grandmother's name (mother's mother) is Ma


[Another] grandfather (mother's father) is Meng Sam, born in Tonle

Toch district, Kandal. [Another] grandmother (mother's mother) is So Koth, born

in Tahor district, Svay Rieng province.

I was born in the Year of the

Horse in 1965. I left my home village at the age of about 4 or 5 years old and

came to live in Phnom Penh. My parents had a wooden house at Beng Trabek behind

Mr. Saing Yun's house, which was an inheritance from my mother's grandparents. I

lived together [with my family] at Beng Trabek. I knew I had two


When I reached the age to go to school, I went Wat Koh school

with my aunt (my mother's sister) named Meng Kunnary. In 1972 or 73, my father

moved to work as a school master in Kompong Cham. I changed the school and went

to Kompong Cham with my father, mother and sisters.

I had a male cousin

named Iv Kim Heng and a female cousin named Siv Kim Hieng, alias Srey. They are

my father's nephew and niece.

Some time in 1974 or early 1975, when the

country was at war, I moved back to Phnom Penh together with all [of my family].

I went back to Wat Koh school. People who lived in my house were Aunt Kun, Uncle

Riem and their son Kuoch and daughter Kumpheak. Another person was Uncle So

Then, Grandma So Koth's nephew, and Grandma So Koth's foster daughter, Sareoung

(her husband was Soeun).

In 1975, the war got more serious and Uncle So

Then's wife was killed by a shell.

[The 17th of] April 1975 was the day

when the Democratic Kampuchea, led by its ringleader Pol Pot took control and

drove people out of Phnom Penh, including my family. My family and I went out of

Phnom Penh through Chbar Ampov. We rested at Wat Champa, Kien Svay district.

Then, we went to Tbong Damrey district on a boat. My parents and sisters and I

lived in Tbong Damrey district, Tonle Toch.

For about 3 or 4 months

during the Pol Pot regime, they drove my family, my grandparents as well as my

aunt and uncle who are my mother's relatives to Pursat near Tonle Snguoth. It

was a forest village rarely inhabited. My grandparents, aunt and uncle were

separated to Po Leong village, Kandieng district, Pursat province far away from

me. It took all morning to walk to see each other.

Time had passed by.

Nothing was certain. We were living among the people who had different ideas.

Pol Pot [Khmer Rouge cadre] took people, including my family and tortured,

starved and separated them according to their inhumane thinking. They created a

terrible regime which I could not contemplate. The fact that we used to live

together happily had changed in the blink of an eye.

My parents had to go

to build an irrigation system, while I was put into the children's concentration

camp with my second sister. My first sister had to stay in the house because she

was too young, about two or three years old.

In mid 1976, my mother fell

sick. My father was also sick. My father was sent to the Baksey hospital the

first time, while my mother was sick at home. My mother's life wore her out bit

by bit.

When my father was not at home, my mother went to beg for the rice

ration and palm juice distributed for the patients. It was a handful of rice and

a bamboo stick of palm juice. She did not eat and drink them, but she rather

wandered around to collect the remaining [juice] in the pan and [porridge] left

in the bowl. She saved rice and palm juice to make a sweet bit by bit for my

father. [She] planted three tobacco trees under the house for my


Then, I did not know the value of love. I wondered why my mother

was willing to starve herself and keep [the food] for her husband. I asked her

to eat [the rice and sugar], but she told us to wait till my father came to eat

together. I was waiting for the day my father came back from the hospital, but

it was too long. My mother became sicker and sicker, so sick that she could not

walk. She tried to water the three tobacco trees very well. I remember and won't

forget [that] the tobacco trees were very good. She tried to walk to catch fish

but she could not walk. She moved on her buttocks to go to catch fish and asked

me to help her.

I was small and had not known what suffering was. I

wasn't busy much with my mother. But, I thought I prefered my father to my

mother. My mother tried to catch fish, grill it till it was well done and send

it to my father at the hospital. My father liked anything which was well done,

so my mother understood his feelings.

Later on, she got seriously sick.

She told me that 'the rice is for Dad to cook for all to eat; and the sugar is

for Dad to eat together. You water the tobacco trees well for Dad.' And I kept

this in mind.

One night, they made Khmer noodle behind Pol Pot's dinning

hall for people to eat. That night, my mother ate [the noodle] savouring them

till she was full.

Then, she became sick again till she almost died. She

called out to ask for medicines, but nobody had any. I could just sit and

massage my mother's legs and shed my tears. I didn't know that my mother almost

died. I just knew that she had a pain in her body. I pitied her. She continued

screaming till she almost died.

My mother was in agony and I called out

for help "My mother is not right; Please help my mother, aunts and uncles.' But,

they could only stay still, looking for a way to survive themselves. My mother

was out of her breath. I screamed out and woke my sisters who were sleeping,

embracing my mother.

My mother was covered with a badly torn sarong,

almost see through when she died. At that time, I thought that my mother was

only sleeping without moving. I didn't know she had died. I cried because she

stayed still and didn't talk to me. My sisters, my dead mother and I were

together. Nobody came to have a look. Then, an uncle who was also sick came to

have a look. He told me that she had passed away. He told me to go and find

Uncle Mao, who is my mother's cousin living in a nearby village. Then that uncle

went back to sleep.

The vicious regime had made people ignore each other.

They just cared for themselves. Peoples' spirits were turned into machines

during that regime. There was only nature in which people could take shelter. It

was very difficult to ask for help from another human being.

My sisters

were still sleeping and embracing my dead mother. I ran through the night,

leaving behind my dead mother and the two sisters, to get my uncle. When my

uncle arrived, he could just shake his head and lit the lamp and put it above my

mother's head. Then, he took the three of us to sleep at his house, leaving my

dead mother to stay alone. I followed him not realizing anything.


mother was alone without any relatives, brothers or sisters saying any prayers

for her. I didn't believe why my mother had to be so unfortunate and


I remember that my aunt, Nary, alias Prok, told me that my

mother had been very sad since she was divorced.

When my mother reached

the age of marriage, she was forced by her parents to have a husband, named

Neang, who was a teacher and well off. But, my mother refused. My grandparents

beat her and put love spells on her till she got married.

When building

the wedding hall, one of my uncles named Uncle Phat [said that] he had loved my

mother. But he hadn't dared to say because he was still at school. He was my

mother's cousin. He fell off the wedding hall, but nobody knew the problem he


During the wedding, my mother tried to run away, but she was caught

by my grandparents. They wanted to punish my mother, because my mother was

stubborn. And they told their nieces that they would punish those who were

stubborn like [my mother]. The wedding was over. My mother had to go to live

with the husband she didn't love. Her husband said that my mother didn't let him

go near her. She had a knife with her.

After about one month, my mother

secretly ran away on a boat with a package to her aunt's house. The old people

could not force her anymore. Her husband conceded and they divorced each other.

Then, uncle Phat, who had loved my mother for a long time, built a

relationship with my mother as sweat hearts. The old people didn't stop them,

because they understood my mother's feelings. My uncle had a small radio as a

keepsake of my mother. Then, my uncle went to work or learn something in

Ratanakiri province.

One day, uncle Phat went to a wedding party. When he

backed his car, he hit and kill the daughter of a Lao-Khmer widow. She refused

to accept compensation. She only demanded her daughter back. The villagers and

her sisters arrested and threatened my uncle and would not to let him leave the

village until he agreed to marry the woman and pay her daughter back. At his

wit's end, my uncle had to marry that woman. He had hidden the story and refused

to say anything, because it was too late. He said he would not come back and

step on the homeland he used to live on. He really paid back a child to [the

widow] and it was a son. But, he didn't live with that woman. They lived in

separate places and he would visit his son once in a while.

My mother was

determined not to get married again and waited for the age to become a


But, [as the Khmer saying goes] the life's love partners will meet

each other. My father named Uk Hel, who lived in Tani Tuk Meas in Kampot

province, moved to Svay Rieng province to learn to become a teacher. He lived

with a family who made Buddhist statues for sale. He also helped the family

making [the statues]. It was when my mother was also living in her home village

in Svay Rieng province. My father saw my mother and asked for her hand and

married her.

The next morning, Uncle Mao rolled the body of my mother

with a mat. He had six incense sticks for me and my sisters to carry and follow

the body of my mother when they carried my dead mother to bury her. From day to

day, we the three sisters had been waiting for my mother in case she would

return home. We didn't have any news about my father. We never had news about


My sisters kept on asking for my mother, but I told them that this

was what was called death that there wouldn't be a day she would come back.

Uncle Mao and his wife, aunt Kim Suor took us, the three sisters, to live with

them. Then, the two, husband and wife, were told to move to another place. We

the three sisters couldn't go with them. We had to be separated from


Then, there was a woman named Sister Hor, wife of the village

chief, Uncle Kem, who took us to live with her. She took care of my youngest

sister, but me and my second sister had to go to different ways but would drop

in at home once in a while. I lived in the children's concentration


Sometimes, I went to see my father. Later on, my father came back

home. Only then did he know that my mother died, through one of my friends named

Hay, who told him [about my mother] along the way. Under a guava tree, my father

stood, shedding his tears, because [the news about my mother's death] was kept

secret from him when he was at the hospital.

When he entered the house, I

described to him about the rice, sugar and tobacco that my mother had left for

him. After listening he could only sit down and weep all day till night


After that time, my father had to take care of the three of us. He

took us from the village chief. Several months later, my father fell sick again.

He was sent to the hospital again. Then, my aunt named Prok and Aunt Kun as well

as my grandparents heard the news that my mother had died. They took my two

sisters [to live with them]. They didn't meet me, because I was sent to harvest

rice, dig the earth and build embankments away from home. When I came back home,

I was told that my sisters went with my aunt.

I went to see my father

and met him the first time. I gave him the porridge which was my ration. He ate

all of it. The next time I went to see him, he was gone. He had been sent to

Kandieng hospital which was the region hospital. Since then, my father has been


Some months later, my aunt came to look for me and told me that

my youngest sister was ill. She took me and ran out of the children's

concentration camp to live with her. I went to her house in Poleong village,

Pothivong district, Pursat province.

By then, my youngest sister could

not walk. she was seriously sick. I lived and worked with old people. Not long

after, my sister was in agony one night. She screamed for rice and water till

her voice died out. That day, my grandmother was not around, because she went to

make cakes in the dinning hall. We only knew that my sister died the next

morning. At that time, I knew clearly that once you died there wouldn't be a day

you came back.

Our lives were like animals'. [My loved ones] died one

after another. Upon hearing the news that my mother died, my grandfather starved

himself till he died too. Since then, I had lived with Aunt Prok, Aunt Kun and

my grandmother.

Some time in mid or late 1978, Pol Pot evacuated me and

other people to escape from the Vietnamese and the liberating troops. They drove

us up and down the mountain. Some people were killed. Aunt Kun also died there.

She called me to leave her last words and asked me to take care of her two

children, Khuoch and Kumpheak.

The year 1979 was the year when I came

back to life. But, I don't remember when I came to Phnom Penh. The Khmer people

must all remember the 7th of January 1979 and must not forget it.

I have

lived with Aunt Naly, alias Prok, and her husband, Sao Piseth, alias Neang, as

their daughter. I have a sister left. Aunt Kun died and left two children and a

grandmother. Aunt Prok has two children but she had another child after the

liberation day. There are ten people in the family.

I first went to

Bandoh Vichea school. My family moved to live at the Arts Center, Bodinh

compound, near the Bassac theatre. I also went to study dancing and Khmer

language. Then, I moved from the house burned along with the Bassac theatre to

the other side of Bodinh compound near Kapko market.

Some time in 1979 or

mid 1979, I moved school and took the exam to study dancing again, because the

Fine Art School had moved. At that time, I was not successful with the dancing

exam. Old man Chheng Phon, who was the person who recruited students, said I

looked Chinese.

But later on, with support from Aunt Di Sakhan, who was a

group singer there, I went to study dancing again. After several months of

effort, child dancers were selected to perform abroad. It was old man Chheng

Phon who selected the dancers. The first time, we went to the Soviet Union

through Vietnam. I was selected to go along with them.

I was only about

15 or 16 years old. We went to many states in the soviet Union, including

Moscow, Kazastan and Kagysgistan. It was one month till we came back also

through Vietnam.

After studying at the fine Arts School for about a year,

we moved to the Miss school, which was the Youth school. But before moving to

the Youth school at Psah Chas, I went to practice at the Royal Palace, now that

the Royal Palace was used as a drama school; dancing, plays and music [were

taught there]. After several months at the Youth school, we moved to the old

stadium at the end of the Chroy Chanva Bridge.

Later on, some time in

1986, I went to perform in India. Upon my return, someone came to ask for my

hand [in marriage]. I was about 16 or 17-years-old then. It was the life of a

single girl, but I didn't know anything. The day they came to see me was

Saturday at night, because I had permission to stay at home on Saturday and

Sunday. From Monday to Saturday morning I had to stay at school. It was a


The night they came to see me, I was at home. I was wearing

an old theatre shirt with a torn back and a sarong. The man who came to see me

was named El Narin, who was the deputy chief of the Phnom Penh Traffic Police

during the State of Cambodia. After he saw me, he was satisfied with me. But, I

didn't know how to love him.

My grandmother begged and forced me to sign

the papers to get married to him. I wept and insisted [not to marry him]. But,

once someone had asked for your hand [and your family agreed], it was done.

After that, that man had a traffic accident and broke his leg. He stayed in the

hospital. But, I didn't care, because I didn't know how to love. But, he loved

me very much.

One day, my grandmother asked me to take some food to give

to Narin. I went with my friends and dumped it at Wat Phnom and didn't take it

to him.

My aunt believed the fortunetellers that Narin and I wouldn't

have a good married life. So, she canceled the engagement. And I agreed with her

entirely. Narin and I canceled the engagement. I also stopped studying at the

Fine Arts School and started working at the Department of Arts.

In 1986

or 87, Mr Kloth Ratana contacted me to act in his film when Khmer film

[industry] was then starting. I got the agreement from my aunt and uncle to act

in the film. At that time, I acted in the film of the Wat Phnom Film Production

with Mr. Vandi Ka On as the director and Ie Vong Hem as the producer. I acted as

the female star and Thong Vutha as the male star. Thong Vutha was working at the

airline. I had been acting with Vutha all the time. Vutha seemed to be teased by

others in the same team. I didn't hate Vutha ... He and I seemed to understand

each other a little bit, but it was useless.

Later on, there was a man

named Seng Sary from France, who was satisfied with me and came to ask for my

hand. My aunt decided to give me to him. The engagement between me and Seng Sary

proceeded in a suitable manner. He bought me a necklace [weighing] five chis.

Then, he stopped acting in the movies. My aunt and uncle agreed with him. I

stopped acting in the films for some time.

Later on, I found that he

already had a French wife. And I would only be a wife in Cambodia to visit once

in a while. My heart was broken. I decided to go back to the film


Several months later, Mr Khay Praseth - who met me when acting

in the first film (The Shadow of Darkness). He stopped acting because he had an

accident and didn't listen to the director - fell in love with me but, I didn't

know that. One day, the director of the Sarika Film Production invited me to act

in a film with Khay Praseth. I agreed to act with him. My relationship with Khay

Praseth began. I cut off my contact with Seng Sary, who was in France and did

not know [of my decision].

Later on, I got married to Khay Praseth. After

I got married to Khay Praseth, we lived with my aunt. After about two months, I

moved to live in another house different from aunt Prok. I lived with my

husband, my grandmother and Sopheak.

Later on, I married my sister to

Each Chandara. When my sister got married I was not happy because my husband and

I and aunt Prok were not in harmony with each other. My husband did not agree

with this marriage. But, he took off his bracelet and necklace [to sell to help

pay for the] marriage of his sister[-in-law].

I let my sister live with

me as I was very sad, because my husband had treated me very badly. I was

terribly depressed. At that time I was pregnant. My husband had a [love]

relation with Chea Sam Ath, a daughter of Samdech Chea Sim. He had not taken

care of me. My life with him was broken: he went his way and I went my


Later on, I gave birth to my son. I went back to work at the Fine

Arts School and I was recognized by other teachers and Princess Bopha Devi.

Later on, I went to the United States for six months. Then, my husband

was looking after the son. Then, Mr [Khay Pra]seth also went to the United

States. At that time, we kept contact with each other till we had a child. But,

we agreed to take the child out. [After] Mr Seth and I got married, Mr Seth had

an accident and had wasted a lot of property.

When Mr Seth lived with

me, he sometimes cursed me and sometimes quarreled with me beating me almost

every day. I always thought that I [must] endure this. Before I went to America,

he kicked me once and made me [so painful that] I couldn't speak. I had thought

of divorcing him several times, but I didn't have the chance. Because of his

threats, I tried to endure till I thought that I would be miserable and wouldn't

have a way to divorce him.

I returned from the United States before Khay

Praseth did because Samdech Preah Ream Bopha Devi called me back to perform the

Ramayana dance [in preparation] to go to an arts festival in Thailand. I came

back according to the order. [When] I came back from the United States, I got

$20,000. I was very happy, because I had never had such a large sum of


When my husband was away, I received some flirting words from some

men. But, I thought that I wouldn't care how much money those men would splash

on me. I tried to endure and wait for my husband to come back from America in

case he had changed his mind and, with the money, he would invest in a future


Later on, Mr Khay Praseth returned to Cambodia, because I

called him back as I missed my husband. But, after coming back to Cambodia he

didn't have any work to earn money.

He just blamed me as before. I have

kept in mind he had treated me badly. From day to day, Khay Praseth got more

brutal to me. He said he was jealous. But, he seemed less angry when I went any

place that I could make money.

Some time in October, 1996 or 97, I was

invited to Australia for three months. Some days after I came back, my husband

didn't have any problems, because I came back with $5,000.

One day, it

was the day of [International] Women's Rights on the 8th of March 1997, Mr Seth

went to drink wine with Por Dy and had a quarrel [with someone]. Then, he drove

the car and hit a tree. And the car worth $14,000 was damaged. It was sold for

only $8,000. At that time, he injured his head. But one night before he had a

problem, he threatened me and pointed a gun at me. He chased me and fired the

gun at me all over the house. I was panicing and almost lost my soul. Then, he

had the accident the next night. I thought that I must find the time to divorce


But, the judge was away from Cambodia. Because of my [religious]

merit, Khay Praseth left for Australia again after only some months. At that

time, I thought that if Khay Praseth continued to oppress me, even through

telephone, I would find a way to escape.

Those who used to court me came

back again. They included Meung Samphan, Sam Dara and Hok Lundy. But, I thought

that they were just [in love with me] for pleasure, because I was a girl who was

a film star. I was waiting for a higher ranking man whom I loved, respected and

liked. But, I never thought that I would meet him.

One night, when

already midnight, [a man] telephoned me and asked how I was as usual. I was very

happy. I was both frightened and glad. I could hardly speak out, then, I just

felt normal.

Then, he called me again. I was just happy now that he was

thinking of me. And his words were very lovely and respectful.

As for Mr

Khay Praseth in Australia, there was news that he had another traffic accident.

And whatever news, it had never made me happy. Which woman would be able to

endure this. All the money [we] tried to earn had been wasted. I must earn money

bit by bit to feed the family myself. My husband did not understand my heart


One day, that man telephoned me again. He spoke the words to make

me understand [and] I agreed with him without realizing that I had done so. He

called me and asked if I could meet him, I agreed. I almost collapsed and fell

unconscious after agreeing with his request. I could neither eat or sleep till I

fell sick. Before I went to meet him, I had to have two bags of drips [to gain

the strength]. I didn't know what to do.

The promised day arrived. It was

the 18th of August 1998, at 8 o'clock, at the house behind Wat Botum. I met him

without the feeling [soul] in my body, but I just knew that I loved him. I knew

that I would have a bad story in the future for me, because he already had a


The second rendezvous was on 22/8/98. I decided to divorce my

husband, because I thought that I could not live with him. Even though this next

man abandoned me in a short period of time, I had submitted a paper to divorce

Khay Praseth. And I even telephoned to tell him this. Khay Praseth didn't agree.

He had threatened and insulted me in every way. He said if I divorced him, he

would shoot and kill me and my brothers and sisters. I still insisted and didn't

back down as before.

On Saturday, 26/9/98, Mr Seth came to Phnom Penh to

look for me, but I escaped. At 5 or 6pm, Mr Seth caused trouble and beat my

brothers and sisters. He was drunk and noisy. He went around to look for


Later on, my brothers and sisters and I filed a law suit at the

competent ministry who arrested Mr Seth, Praseu, A'Cheth and A'Pon, the four

came from Australia, and detained them at the penal police headquarters.

On Thursday, 1/9/98, he went back to Australia. I had received serious

support from that man, which made me win.

On Monday, 28/9/98, the old

love ties between me and Khay Praseth were ended at the penal police office

peacefully and sadly at nearly 3pm.

On Thursday, 1/9/98, Mr. Khay Praseth

went back to Australia at 12 noon. [My] son, Seth Lisak, went to see him


Later on, my relation between me and [the not yet named man] became

closer, [so] close that he said he was already my husband. Even one day [after

having sex], he was also a husband. I had not dared to receive [this claim],

because I feared what would happen in the future now that he already had a wife.

But, as the matter of fact, I loved him [and] I also regarded him as my husband,

because this was the karma that I could not escape. I had never thought of

selling my body for money.

On Thursday, 24/9/98, I met him the third time

at T.T.B.Y. [Turotuos Bayon or TV Bayon].

Later on, I continued to have

good relationship with Samdech Hun Sen all the time. Later on, he came to my

house that I bought on 31/1/99, at about 9pm, almost 10pm.

Later on, he

came to meet me again at the same time (first met at home). He met me at home

the second time (it was the fifth time), also at night. He met me the third time

(it was the sixth time), also at home at night.

We had met each other for

the sixth time. My meeting with him had been secret all the time. One day, [the

secret] was leaked to Mr Kim [Takmao Mayor Kun Kim]. I thought nothing would

happen. I once had an appointment to meet Bang [darling] Sen at a noodle

restaurant in Ta Khmao without anyone knowing. Later on, I met him while testing

Bang Sen's new car at the Hun Sen Park. After that, I met him along the way

after returning from the [TV3's] Fate of Chance Program. I met him along the

road to Chak Angre [way to Ta Khmao].

Later on, the secret became

widespread. I didn't know if I would be in peace or not. Bang Sen had helped me

with everything. He even built me a house. But, I didn't consider whether it

would be mine or not.[I did not know whether] it was the karma from this life or

former life, there were a lot of men who attempted [to love me] and I

disappointed them all. But, I had never thought of them so much that like I

loved Bang Sen. I knew that my beauty was not important. But, [in my case],

people all said I was a woman with karma.

I had been married with Khay

Praseth. But, I had not said anything about my heart and about my love with a

broad meaning like [with] Bang Sen. Bang Sen had said good things and done good

things with me. I didn't know about the cheating or the truth from him, because

I had never been deceived by any men. I had never suffered any pain from any

men. It was only me who made them feel pain. But, this time it might be me who

would suffer the pain and even more seriously.

I would be terribly broken

hearted if I was to be deceived by Bang Sen, because it was Bang Sen who said

anything before I did and made me trust him. [He even said] something that I

didn't dare to accept.

[It was] the time when we were separated when the

story was made known to his wife. I stopped our phone meetings. My heart was

almost broken. I remembered a phrase of one of Sin Sisamouth's songs that says

'there will be the day when you girl be aware of yourself when you meet the

crisis of love'.

In the past, I had never believed that I would have a

crisis with love. Talking about this, I seemed very ashamed, because I was not a

single woman who just met love. I thought I was being crazy and I was crazy with

someone else's husband, which was sinful. Even if his wife beat and killed us

because we did not counter-attack and we were most sincere with him, there

wouldn't be anyone who would help us.

Oh Bang Sen, you said that you were

a lucky man who had won both my heart and my body. I would be also have been a

lucky woman if you thought and took care of me forever.

I don't think

that I was lucky [only] because I could achieve what I had wished for. I am only

desperate and desperate forever. I am thinking that I am now very lonely like

the earth with nobody [else] living on it. The earth seems very crowded and

[people] are almost unable to find a place to live, but it seemed like there was

nothing, because I have to be separated from him and can't find the man I have

met for a period of time. I had always prayed that I wouldn't ever ecounter such

a story.

I think that I met Bang Sen on Thursday at 9 or 10 o'clock in

the morning, which was the time when the sun was shining beautifully. It

[Thursday] was the day which is considered the strong day, the hard day which

cannot be broken, and I would have to be as shining as the sunlight. It is as

strong as the day which was cherished [in the ancient rules]. On that day, I am

very sure that I had sex as husband and wife.

On the night of Wednesday

approaching Thursday the 8th, I dreamed about Bang Sen sending me a letter

through a son of old man Cheng Pon. That letter was a letter of mourning

[written] on white paper with a black-ink pen. The characters in the letter were

signs, but I understood that Bang Sen was being requested by his wife for

divorce... I didn't take it seriously, because I thought that it was just a


One day, at exactly 3 o'clock in the afternoon, Samdech Hun Sen

telephoned me to tell me that on Sunday, the 11th of April 1999, I would

received the words of apology from him, because he could not struggle with me


He told me to deny anything which had happened. I accepted

because he said that his wife adamently refused to allow him to contact me

[anymore]. He listened to his wife. Finally, I understood the taste [of

suffering]. He told me that I must try to [forget] him. Thanks God that let me

know the taste in life.

Every day, I would always be anticipating

telephone calls with my liver almost bursting. I couldn't be determined [to

forget him]. I would always be sitting so thoughtfully that I almost became an

insane woman. I had written several phrases of poems from the bottom of my

heart. I shed tears. At 7.40 at night would be remembered in life. [the rest of

this sentence is not clear in the original text]

I went to give my

thumbprint forcing me to return the house which Samdech Hun Sen had given me to

his wife. I was so painful I couldn't speak. They told me to give them

[everything] in remorse.

Friday, 23 April, 1999:

I was called by

Uncle Thai Seng Long to go and meet the right hand person of Chumteav Bun Rany.

He conveyed the words from Chumteav to me that she needed to get back the car

that Bang Sen asked Uncle Long to buy for me and told me to stop phone contact

with Bang Sen.

On Monday, 26 April 1999 at 7:30am I went to get my money

at the Canadia Bank. But they did not process the money for me, because there

was an order from Bun Rany not to allow [them] to give it to me, because she

said it was her husband's money given to [me]. The total amount of money was

$200,000, but I had cashed $50,000 and an interest of nearly


Saturday, 1 May 1999 Bang [darling] Sen asked Uncle Thai Seng

Long to come and collect a picture I had taken with him and his wife with my

husband. That picture was taken in Korea in 1993 or 1994. I gave it to him with

sadness and worry.

I tore off the picture and gave it to him [Seng Long]

with shaking hands. I just realized that I was a moth who was flying into the

fire. I didn't know whether I [could live] in peace or not now that it was her

own master [husband] who did this to me.

For a period of time, I always

hid myself in the house [soaked] with [so much] sadness that I thought I wanted

to go [to the pagoda] and become a nun. Later on, I tried to forget [and] cope

with all the painful stories. I became confused. I didn't know when I [could

completely] forget [this]. [So sad] that I fell ill slowly with pain.


Monday, 10 May 1999 at 9:15am, General Director of National Police Hok Lundy

called me to go and meet him to tell me about something. He sent two bodyguards

to pick me up. I went with my younger sister. [I was mixed] with fear and

gladness lest I would get any news from Bang Sen conveying any words [to me]. I

went to meet Hok Lundy in Kien Svay at a quiet place which was a restaurant. He

told me to escape to another place for a period of time because Lok Chumteau Bun

Rany Hun Sen was being very angry [and] intended to take my life. I was very

frightened, but I still tried to hold my spirit, bite my lips [and] shed tears

unable to believe that I had been seriously deceived like this. My heart was

broken because I hadn't sold myself to Samdech Hun Sen, it was [that] we loved

each other like husband and wife. But I was too stupid to believe his words

because I had never been deceived by anyone.

This was the first lesson that had made me know [a deceitful man] and I knew

a person who [knows] all the expressions. I don't know whether they will let me

live or die, because the earth is under their control. I only have God [to go

to] and build merit to return to confront them.

Monday 14 June 1999, 9am

I withdrew $18,000 that Bang Sen gave me [as a deposit] to buy a house worth



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