MEDICAL experts, confounded for months by a stream of patients babbling incoherently
about chronic buzzing noises in their heads, have apparently identified a new disease.
After a conference attended by famous doctors from around the globe the mystery malady
has been determined to be none other than SEPSOSSSitis, which -you guessed it-stands
for Sustained Electrical Power Surge Or Spike Shock Syndrome. No kidding, this is
Conference attendees confirmed their findings after listening to the harrowing tale
of one SEPSOSSSitis sufferer who is still recovering from the disease through a complicated
treatment which requires strict avoidance of any electrical appliances combined with
gentle study of do-it-yourself electrician's maunals. Buzzy Circuit, an expat from
Toledo, Ohio working with Help the Galaxy told how one day things just seemed to
get the better of him.
It started out simply when the voltage regulator that was plugged into a UPS that
fed his computer began spewing out nasty fumes. Buzzy shut down the system and reached
for his Phillip's screwdriver to check the regulator's innards, only to find out
that the mysterious Serial Screwdriver Nicker had, for the fifth time that month,
pinched his trusty tool.
After a jaunt to Psar Tmei to replace his kit, Buzzy replaced a fuse and was back
at work. Within minutes a brownout had his UPS coughing shocks which, to his great
consternation, resulted in sparks jumping off his keyboard.
Buzzy called in the pros who told him that he had bought a bogus UPS incapable of
providing continuous juice and that his computor had blown a capacitor.
For a measly $650 he could get a real one. He shelled out the cash for the new UPS
and then tried to find someone who could fix his Toshiba, but since the phone lines
were down he had to dash around town only to return to his office empty-handed after
four hours on the road.
To make a long story short, none of this would have been too problematic except that
this was the sixth time in as many months that Buzzy had wrestled with the same scenario.
He decided to pack it in, head home to relax and watch a video.
Alas, Buzzy ran into the straw that broke the camel's back. When he turned on his
VCR, the tape exploded from the cartridge holder with a burst of flames and reams
of tape enveloped his head like an octopus. Something in Buzzy snapped and, according
to his landlord, he was last seen fleeing the house with strands of melted celluloid
on his head while moaning "My Watts Hertz, My Volts Hertz. Ohm, Ohm, Ohm!"
Anyway, be on the lookout. SEPSOSSSitis is out there, lurking somewhere behind your
next electric bill.