MEDICAL experts, confounded for months by a stream of patients babbling incoherently

about chronic buzzing noises in their heads, have apparently identified a new disease.

After a conference attended by famous doctors from around the globe the mystery malady

has been determined to be none other than SEPSOSSSitis, which -you guessed it-stands

for Sustained Electrical Power Surge Or Spike Shock Syndrome. No kidding, this is

really true.

Conference attendees confirmed their findings after listening to the harrowing tale

of one SEPSOSSSitis sufferer who is still recovering from the disease through a complicated

treatment which requires strict avoidance of any electrical appliances combined with

gentle study of do-it-yourself electrician's maunals. Buzzy Circuit, an expat from

Toledo, Ohio working with Help the Galaxy told how one day things just seemed to

get the better of him.

It started out simply when the voltage regulator that was plugged into a UPS that

fed his computer began spewing out nasty fumes. Buzzy shut down the system and reached

for his Phillip's screwdriver to check the regulator's innards, only to find out

that the mysterious Serial Screwdriver Nicker had, for the fifth time that month,

pinched his trusty tool.

After a jaunt to Psar Tmei to replace his kit, Buzzy replaced a fuse and was back

at work. Within minutes a brownout had his UPS coughing shocks which, to his great

consternation, resulted in sparks jumping off his keyboard.

Buzzy called in the pros who told him that he had bought a bogus UPS incapable of

providing continuous juice and that his computor had blown a capacitor.

For a measly $650 he could get a real one. He shelled out the cash for the new UPS

and then tried to find someone who could fix his Toshiba, but since the phone lines

were down he had to dash around town only to return to his office empty-handed after

four hours on the road.

To make a long story short, none of this would have been too problematic except that

this was the sixth time in as many months that Buzzy had wrestled with the same scenario.

He decided to pack it in, head home to relax and watch a video.

Alas, Buzzy ran into the straw that broke the camel's back. When he turned on his

VCR, the tape exploded from the cartridge holder with a burst of flames and reams

of tape enveloped his head like an octopus. Something in Buzzy snapped and, according

to his landlord, he was last seen fleeing the house with strands of melted celluloid

on his head while moaning "My Watts Hertz, My Volts Hertz. Ohm, Ohm, Ohm!"

Anyway, be on the lookout. SEPSOSSSitis is out there, lurking somewhere behind your

next electric bill.