N ight owls wondering where to quench their thirsts at 4 AM will be glad to hear that the market just south of Preah Sihanouk Blvd on Monivong is now usually open until dawn, especially on weekends.

Early morning crowds have been known to include some of the capital's elites who roll up in chauffeur-driven Mercs to enjoy a few cold ones and toast the sunrise.

Phnom Penh has been awash with more than just heavy rains of late. The city has been flooded with "hostage junkie" journalists for weeks. It goes without saying that the booze-soaked hacks have been up to their well-known antics, performing a variety of nightly, comedic skits at the FCC. Final scenes and even a few encores are usually acted out at the Martini where an eager audience doesn't seem to mind if lines are mumbled.

The Gecko hears that national TV crews from Australia have reinvented the reel, so to speak. Running short on funds, and forced to make an early departure for Oz, two boob-tube wizards each recorded six different stories "live" from Phnom Penh to use for the yet-to-be released hostage release. Nothing like covering your rear with a little "fresh" news from the front.

The latest pre-press word was that Oz's Ch. 7's Iain Hyslop was racing back to Phnom Penh with a bundle of cash and permission to buy a satellite dish because of the heat he's taken Down Under due to his ignominious exposure by a tabloid hack on his pathetic misbehaviour.

At least one mystery has been solved. For those who wondered why ace, veteran scribe Lindsay Murdoch is a little thin on top - fret no more. It's finally come to light that Sir Murdoch's primary past-time is to pretend he's a human cannonball. Primed with a righteous fire in his belly, the Gecko has learned that his latest attempt at catapulting himself across the Tonle Sap from the front end of a speeding vehicle came up a bit short. He was last seen limping along the waterfront muttering about "proper projectiles".

All those wishing to send a get-well message to HE Samdech Co-PM Hun Sen need to direct their cards to: Hopital Militaire du Val-de-Grace, Paris, France.

A spate of recent, atrocious stories world-wide citing the Phnom Penh-based UN Centre for Human Rights has ticked off the bureaucrats back in Geneva. A gag order has been issued by the Ultimate Defenders of the entire world's human rights ordering all employees not to talk to any journalists. Great! We always knew we could count on the UN's over-paid paper pushers to defend the people! That's why we all get so excited everytime the UN asks us for more money to protect us!