I f you ever find a hand grenade in your bedroom, keep in mind that CMAC makes

house calls - and to their unsung credit they are very, very prompt. One nervous

Phnom Penh resident, worried about how to dispose of a fragmentation grenade

"discovered" on his dresser, put in a call to the deminers in the morning and a

very polite, calm and collected Dutch officer showed up just after lunch

apologizing for the delay.

All in a day's work for the efficient

CMACers. The UXO is now on its way to the detonation site in Kompong Speu where

it will be safely exploded.

The Phnom Penh Players are gearing up for a

gut-busting rendition of "The Cocktail Hour". The play stars, among others,

Michael "Joke-a-Minute" Brown and Sharon "Chuckles" Kevin.

Brown, who

received his Ph.D. in Cracks from the University of Gaffaw in Laughstershire,

Scotland, told the Gecko in an exclusive, off-the-record interview that the play

would be the biggest acting challenge yet in his lengthy stage career. "Och aye

the noo!" Brown guttered, while giving a tug on his kilt, when asked how he

would be able to mimic an American accent.

In case you missed it, the new

name around town for Pochentong is PoCHAMtong. Get it?

CORRECTION: Martin

Flitman was tricked and the pager number given in the last issue is incorrect.

His real number is 22777 and his pager code is 656. He's still anxiously waiting

for a special message from a yet unrevealed, secret girlfirend. Call quickly

before the spark of love vanishes in the dark, lonely night.

An Asian

diplomat in town says that businessmen from his country are grumbling about the

cost of doing business here in the Kingdom. They say that two or three years ago

the "signing fees" for contracts were in the $3,000 to $4,000 range. Now they're

getting asked for $100,000. No word on how many are paying it.

A

distinguished member of the private sector who goes by the code name "Enrique Le

Shark" notes that when he does the spell check on his computer for "NGO" it

comes up with "ego".

Street talk. Need a new car? One informed source

says that there are American jeeps out there, straight from Somalia, going for

the low, low price of only $2,500. Get one while its hot!

Publisher Bala,

the wizard of pen names, may have taken on more than he bargained for. It seems

that the Reuters copy carried in his distinguished publication is being used

free of charge. The only problem is that the green eyeshade boys back in London

ain't happy and are figuring out how to extract a few shillings.