The ebullient, effervescent and grizzled Tim Page is back in town. Page, who has been ineluctably defying the laws of gravity and thermodynamics for near on six decades, has once again pulled a metamorphosed rabbit out of his partly astro-turfed noggin. Not only has he packed up all his worldly possessions and decided to immigrate to OZ, but it seems that some unsuspecting local officials down under have been hoodwinked into giving him the title of Wizard.

Well...okay...it's not quite that grandiose. But get this! The veteran Vietnam War-era photographer-turned-author now hands out cards with a title that reads: "Adjunct Professor, Griffith University".

The sprightly don has set up his Base Camp in the Golden Gate Hotel. Operational forays into uncharted waters have already commenced.

** An unsuspecting consumer bought a new phone from Dong Nam Associates, Nokia's outlet on Mao Tse Tung Boulevard. The shiny box, hygienically plastic bag-wrapped parts, and security stickers around the innards seemed a guarantee of the phone's 'New New'-ness.

But the purchase came with a phone memory already filled with phone numbers. While most of the new friends were in Cambodia, one could also call "Mum" in New Zealand, or "Chm" in Thailand.

Calling some of the new pals suggested that the phone, or at least part of it, was stolen.

** A guy went to buy a TV set from a used appliance store in town. He was shown a demo set labeled 'Sony' and the store owner boasted he could put any brand on any set.

The man ended up buying a 25-inch set, also labeled Sony. Plugged in at home, it produced a big red blob in one corner of the screen and he took it back. Not a problem to fix, said the shop, using an electromagnetic device to remove most of this.

The man insisted it was still there along the bottom edge; the technician insisted it absolutely was not, and he should take it home.

Right said the customer; I'm not happy and I want to take the 'Sony' demo set in exchange. No way.

The consumer replied that the president of Sony Corp was a personal friend, and that he could call and tell him the shop was falsely using his brand, and have the business closed down quicker than you can say 'Help, police.'

It's unclear who was bluffing the hardest, but there were no further problems.